Avid Cupcake Enthusiast Marvin Austin’s Pictorial Journey

SFN Note: We proudly welcome ‘Old MacDonald’ to the SFN author team with this entry. His first one is destined to become an SFN classic!

The team at StateFansNation thought it would be nice to take a break from the stress of wondering how UNC-CH will skate from major NCAA sanctions and sit back and enjoy the pure comedic value of the larger-then-life cartoon figure that is, Marvin Austin. 

Just so I can get this out of the way – I personally DO NOT CARE what the NCAA and/or UNC-CH do about this stuff.  ‘MA’ has already succeeded so well in making such an ass of himself – and, served to indict UNC-CH’s “Public Ivy” admissions office and academic program – that asking for more would be nothing short of greedy. 

As you read through this entry and view the pictures and Austin’s comments below, do not let yourself forget that this is a guy who is probably on track to graduate with an actual degree from “Public Ivy” UNC-CH.  Use that as your backdrop as we take a pictorial  journey with Marvin through his life this past semester.  Marvin posted all of this himself but really it deserved a better platform…and we are just the guys to give it to him.

Also, I intend this piece to be very interactive.  I admittedly do not know a lot about the current and former UNC-CH football players with whom Austin spends time or where agents live.  So please leave comments here explaining things to me and to others.  Also, I have no idea about the expensive sunglasses he likes and wears in some pictures.  Furthermore, many of his tweets, grammar and slang are completely unintelligible to me; so I would greatly appreciate others correcting and explaining things to me.

Let’s kick it off with the following picture and comment from February 10th of this year:

Marvin explains ^this murky picture with the following comment:

Message: This fuck ass cop gives me a ticket. Stating that he coulD hear my music from 30 feet away..like wtf…
“wtf” indeed.


These next shots went up March 12th.  The exact condos where these were taken at is a mystery to me; but I liked the cool Koi pond picture so I included them.  These seem to be around a visit Marvin took to Vonte Davis (sp?) — whoever that is.  So maybe this is where Vonte lives?
Here are the Koi at Vonte’s place:


On to April!…

This^ is a picture of Weslye Saunders taken by Marvin on April 24th of this year in what sure looks to be a hotel room.  Apparently this is in Washington, D.C. 

Now, I have a few observations here —

(1) Washington, DC is Marvin’s hometown. Correct? Then, why is he with his friend at a hotel in his hometown?  How many of you went ‘home’ in college so that you someone else could spend money on a nice hotel room. If all of Austin’s travel to D.C. is to be explained as him “just being at home,” then I guess the NCAA might find it interesting to know who is paying for the hotel room in Marvin’s hometown and why he needs one?

(2) I also believe school was in session then, so it’s pretty cool that they could blow off everything right before exams like that and have such an awsome road trip.  (Remember my previous comments of how this guy is on track to get a degree from the ‘public ivy’? Who needs exams?!)  I mean, I always had lots of papers and stuff to work on that time of year, but I just went to NC State so what do I know?  It strikes me that he really travels a lot while he is able to hold down his public ivy classload. 

Some of you might be wondering how I know that this was April 24th and how I know this is Saunders (and how I know about all of the dates in this piece for that matter.)  I know these things because Marvin did such an outstanding job keeping the ENTIRE WORLD informed about his whereabouts, with the dates Twitter apparently puts on all pictures.  To wit:

So you can see the date thing there.  I am very new to this Twitter thing so you will have to bear with me.

Hey, while we are talking about Weslye, I think it might be cool to see some of the tweets these guys did together.

That is some high-level Public-Ivy-caliber discussion going on there.  Anyway let’s move on.

May rolled around and we learned that Marvin likes guns.  Here is him at a gun show:

With this one Marvin tweeted:

Message: Da taurus 500 maggie…call it da bust it baby!!!!!!
We learned that he likes firearm periodicals:


His marksmanship is a little dubious, however, as we learn from this picture apparently taken at a trip to the range:

With the message:

Message: Hit da bullseye twice…I think I should join the .u.s rangers..oh but I shot a hostage too…opps

I think I would rather be the gunman than the hostage.  I mean, the bad guy got winged a couple times while the hostage is dead for sure thanks to Marvin.

Marvin had some kind of dealings with a Gucci credit card on May 7th.  This is where I really start to need the Barbara Billingsly character from “Airplane!” to translate for me.  Help me out!

With the tweet:

Message: If ur this aint come wit cha gucci sorry u got that fugazii!!!!! Don’t get locked up wit that fake sh*t
Message: Oh yea that’s the back of the. Official I jus coped some authentic gucci card…yea its blank cause I jus got sum new new..haha

Austin was back in D.C. on May 10.  No indications regarding whether he was in a hotel, but we know he went to his favorite restaurant!  We know this because he thought it was important to take a picture of the bill and show it to the world:

In addition to really liking the Cheesecake Factory a lot, most people probably did not realize that Marvin is an avid cupcake enthusiast!  As a side note here, NFL teams might want to take note of his fetish-like relationship with food.  Many, many times he tweeted a picture of a full plate of food with a boast about it.  Sometimes he even posted a picture of the empty plate after his meal.

For example, with this picture:

He tweets:

Message: Nan nany boo boo u can’t get none….in my( 5 year old voice)…hahahah

 Let me just say that if he shows up to his NFL training camp next year weighing 400 pounds, nobody should be surprised.  Anyway I got sidetracked there.  Back to the cupcakes.  Check this out:


With that last one he tweeted:

Message: 40 a dozen!!!!!! Well worth it!!!
I don’t know about everyone else thinks about this, but those better be some damn good cupcakes to spend $40 for a dozen of them.

So if anyone wants to experience the “best cupcakes in the world,” get yourself to D.C. and go to Georgetown!  Hey, if Marvin gets drafted by the Redskins, maybe they will pay him to do cupcake commercials.  This is an example of a portion of this piece where I would like people to remember that this guy, who is taking boastful pictures of cupcakes and posting them for the world, is a likely future UNC-CH “Public Ivy” graduate. 

OK, this is where things get really fun.  On May 15th, Marvin and the extra-classy Greg Little were in Miami together.  Here is a super picture of them with two young ladies:

Check out these badasses who are a combined 0-6 against NC State!  I like how Greg wears his hat backwards so we all know how cool he is.  Also, I have been debating whether I should point out that Marvin has bigger boobs than either of his two dates in this picture.  Moving along…

Apparently Marvin likes Miami, or someone in Miami, because he was back on Memorial Day Weekend!  Check out his tweets:

As best as I can tell, in the above tweets Marvin is conveying his affection for “LIV,” an upscale Miami nightclub.  He likes it so much he jokes that he gets the “tennant rate” because he is there so much.  I wonder how much these “bottles” cost and who was paying for them.

I guess Kendrick Burney was with Marvin in Miami.  I don’t know who that is but I am told he is somnehow significant.  Anyway this is a cool picture.

Moving on, he was back in D.C. for a football camp on June 12th.  Apparently MacAdoo and Balmer were with him this time.  I don’t know who those guys are, either, but here they helping out the youngsters at a football camp in Marvin’s hometown where he also gets hotel rooms.  I think it is super that he puts himself out there as a role model for the young kids.  I am not going to make fun of him for that.

Here is some bonus material that did not really fit well into my timeline format but is too good to leave out.  Think of this as being like the extra material on a DVD. 

This was put up on April 15.  I want to alert the luxery car dealers wherever Marvin happens to be when his ship comes in — you have a live one!  There were several like this taken at various locations.

I thought our Duke friends would get a kick out of this one:

Marvin’s comment:

Message: So clean

I think it is fitting to “end” on this one, but I have no earthly idea what this thing is.  Someone needs to help me out here.

Marvin’s comment sheds little light on what it is:

Message: Get cha @roxyreynolds ass..for your liking..#1 on my wish list
Let’s all give Marvin a big “thank you” for providing all of this great free entertainment!


Big Four Rivals Miscellaneous & Fun Stuff UNC Scandal

30 Responses to Avid Cupcake Enthusiast Marvin Austin’s Pictorial Journey

  1. tjfoose1 07/20/2010 at 11:42 PM #

    A great representative of that fine institution just down the road.

  2. hoop 07/21/2010 at 12:15 AM #

    Cupcakes!!!! Cupcakes?????

    Why are you bustin on my boi for likin cupckaes?!?!?!

    I bet you like donuts!

    Hell, I like both!

    And when I want a cupcake, just to show how rick I am, I don’t need to go to no stinkin LIV in South Beach for crazy cupcakes.

    Hell NAW!!

    I jus drive on down to our own friggin HELios, formerly cool coffee establishment, where I can buy a tiny, STALE ASS cchocoate or vanilla cupcake for the maesly sum of 3 mutha friggin dollas!!!

    You heard that right. 3 Dollas for a stale ass cupcake!!!! PLUS TAX. And you gotta serv yo self out the display case too!!!

    Serviuce with a smirk. right here in Raleigh wood. That’s right. A doezen for only $38.50 here in Raleighwoodc. Save $1.50 on a dozen cupcakes and the gas money too.

    Look cool while you eat a stale ass cupcake for 3 DOLLAS and get cream on your stache. And make sure to post the pic to your tweet feed!

    Beat that Bitches@!!!!!!!

  3. The Grinch 07/21/2010 at 2:04 AM #

    Speaking of cupcakes, I’ve never actually been, but there’s supposed to be a great cupcake place on Glenwood South run by a State grad.

  4. spanky 07/21/2010 at 2:53 AM #

    Grinch, I don’t have a huge sample to work from, but I have had 2 chocolate cupcakes from that place that were absolutely amazing.

    Ah, I love stuff like this when I get reminded for just how “classy” UNX is…

  5. graywolf 07/21/2010 at 7:15 AM #

    They get away with this and we spent over 20 years in purgatory for tickets and shoes……just shows you the world isn’t always fair. Yes, they have lost institutional control in Chapel Hill and I for one hope they pay dearly!!

  6. tuckerdorm1983 07/21/2010 at 8:15 AM #

    Your honor all this can be reasonably explained. My client is a victim of circumstance. These are all the made up little stories with no basis in reality. I submit to you that if the cupcakes were not EATEN then you no he was not CHEATEN. If the cheesecake he did not BITE, then you must not INDICT. If the B-ACHES did not SHOW, then let my people GO. If has a GUCCI card, then he must be a RETARD.
    JUST Look at that face. He is just a sweet innocent little fellow that loves his mama and who just sometimes forgets to take off his sunglasses when he comes inside at night to talk to the media and represent the whole UNIVERSTITY. He is no THUG, just look at the MUG.

    Robert Shapiro
    Johnnie Cochran
    F. Lee Bailey

    Yall take care now you hear.

  7. Sweet jumper 07/21/2010 at 8:26 AM #

    Funny and sad at the same time. I hope TOB has tightened the reigns and shut down twitter because when a big dog is cornered, he tries to shift the blame to someone else, and we have been the recipient of most of the blame in the triangle for long enough.

  8. clmsntgrs 07/21/2010 at 8:28 AM #

    That’s classic. My congratulations on a fine documentary.

  9. foz 07/21/2010 at 9:07 AM #

    And that last pic – I’m pretty sure that’s a lonley man’s sex toy.

    I’m a little ashamed I know that.

  10. Alpha Wolf 07/21/2010 at 9:08 AM #

    Man likes his cupcakes, that’s for sure.

    He also likes half-assed performance cars. With his means, I would personally be looking for an Aston-Martin DBS. All of the performance of a typical Audio-ghini (Audi owns and builds Lambhroghini now) but none of the pretension. Besides, I would get a Zonda R if I were going to buy a Euro hypercar anyway. That or a Bugatti Veyron 16.4

    Anyway, his photos look more like an NFL rookie’s.

    And in fairness, compare and contrast the pictures of Tyler Hansbrough and Bobby Frasor that came out last year. BIG BIG difference, eh?

  11. Alpha Wolf 07/21/2010 at 9:17 AM #

    And that last pic – I’m pretty sure that’s a lonley man’s sex toy.

    I’m a little ashamed I know that.

    You don’t have to use or own something like that to add 2+2 and figure out what it’s for.

    We bought one once and packed it in a buddy’s suitcase when he was getting ready to get married. His bags were all packed and ready to go to the airport for his honeymoon and we figured a prize like that would provoke some interesting conversations on his wedding night. He swore to get us all back for that…

  12. wolfbuff 07/21/2010 at 9:49 AM #

    Funniest post in a long time. Pure comedy gold right there. Thanks.

  13. Prowling Woofie 07/21/2010 at 9:50 AM #

    Thanks, Old McDonald…

    This would be roll-on-the-floor funny if it were made up –

    The fact that’s it’s real stuff posted by CA (Class Act) MA himself makes it HYSTERICAL !!!

    Marvin’s well on his way to Flav-Dom 🙂

  14. Alpha Wolf 07/21/2010 at 10:04 AM #

    My only regret is that State-Carolina isn’t in CFS this year. Tossing cupcakes down on MA when the Pack was finishing the Heels off would be pure comedy gold.

    Oh, that’s right, MA probably will be working on his Wonderlic pre-tests during this year’s football season instead of playing for the Tar Heels.

  15. harrisek 07/21/2010 at 10:49 AM #

    Maybe a warning that this blog entry is not work appropriate would have been in order.

  16. packfan03 07/21/2010 at 10:54 AM #

    This just in from the News Wire:

    President Barack Obama has implemented a new economic stimulus package. In response to those who have criticized the federal government’s involvement legislating economic activity, the President has decided to use a more local approach.

    “With the recent changes in our economic climate, it is important we realize that the only true way to stimulate our economy is with citizen involvement. Because of this, I have decided to unleash UNC’s very own Marvin Austin in economically deprived areas. His penchant for over-priced Cupcakes will not only stimilate economic activity, but it will create jobs in our evolving baking industry to accommodate his evolving appetite.”

    Marvin Austin, the senior standout (literally, he’s huge) Defensive Tackle was asked to comment on his new civic duty:

    “If ur this aint come wit cha egz cakkes sorry u got that fugazii!!!!! Don’t get locked up wit that fake sh*t, da best cakkes fo me bigz DD cupz.”

    …Off the cuff folks. I’m here all day :-).

  17. tuckerdorm1983 07/21/2010 at 11:32 AM #

    I am not concerned about MA. That stuff comes and goes. What I want to know is what the “corporate culture” is over in Chapel Hill that condones, overlooks and does not prevent this behavior. It looks like it was going on for a long time with MA. Did no one on the coaching staff or at the university see this or was told about it? I suspect that some of the higher ups looked at MA’s postings and just looked the other way. “We are supposed to be champions in the classroom, champions in the community and champions on the field” (TOB). MA looks to be the Champion of cheesecakes and cupcakes.

  18. newt 07/21/2010 at 11:49 AM #

    Remember all this as you listen/read the spin about the mean old agents and the poor unpaid college players that got sucked in.

    The agent wasn’t paying Marvin money that he could use to feed his mamma.

    Marvin was “tempted” by $700 bottles of champagne, late nights, strippers, shiny bling, etc. Stuff a decent man, including a professional athlete, isn’t much interested in.

    A college athletic program should still be producing good men – you know, that serve the community and stuff. You might say “champions” in the community. To not do that is a failure, and when the player is breaking the rules or even laws that govern college athletic programs, that is a failure, a lack of institutional control.

  19. Sweet jumper 07/21/2010 at 11:51 AM #

    excellent point Newt

  20. mafpack 07/21/2010 at 12:04 PM #

    Just wanted to acknowledge the awesomeness that is this post – well done MacDonald!

    And I agree, excellent point Newt.

    Alpha – Nice to see someone else has taste in cars, I haven’t talked with many guys who even know what a DBS is, much less the differences between the DB9, DBS, Vantage V8 and V12, etc.

    Speaking of which, have you seen the special edition of the DBS – UB 2010? Absolutely stunning car, I think I’ll have to obtain one some day 🙂


  21. durhamwolf19 07/21/2010 at 12:20 PM #

    Compare the reports on Austin compared to the article on Russell Wilson today. I’m so glad Russell is on our side and they have Austin and Little.

  22. ppack3 07/21/2010 at 12:58 PM #

    UNC Football 2K10… Summer of the baked.

    Marvin loves cupcakes, Quan loves brownies?

    I can’t wait to see what happens next! This has been the best off-season ever!

  23. wufpup76 07/21/2010 at 1:35 PM #

    ^^^very, very nice packfan03 🙂

    and nice follow-up ppack3!

  24. T-FIC 07/21/2010 at 4:37 PM #

    In his defense, that food does looking pretty darn good! Thanks for the pic Marvin.

  25. TX_Wolfpack 07/21/2010 at 4:41 PM #

    Alpha – that prank had me laughing out loud…nice one!

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