Hello Wolfpacker Persons! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!
It is I, NIT Stan, Online Goodwill Ambassador for the National Invitation Tournament, with a message of goodwill from the NIT to all Pack Wolfs and their coach with the heart of a lion, Mr. Hairb Sendek!
As many of you know through the “blitz media” we have been putting on, the finals of the most PRESTEGIOUS tournament in America are at no other time than TO-NIGHT. Who, who, who will become national champions and hoist the proud banner of the NIT?
I Salute You Brave Wolfpacker People And Your Coach Hairb!
You may wonder why I am contacting you Pack fans about the NIT so to the point I will get. Texas beat you like, as we say in Cameroon, a bull elephant with boobies, so NCAA material you are not, perhaps? And while I salute your brave coach Hairb, his players and his offense have “NIT” written all over them for next season. Many American people at McDonalds #76 in Queens, where I supplement my NIT income with a shift, agree with this. So WELCOME BACK from your pal Stan, MY FRIENDS!
You will pleased to hear that the NIT is once again offering its “FAN X-CITEMENT PAK” again next year. This year’s PAK contains two one-size-all-fits VISORS that say, “NIT Fever: Catch It.” It also has one “Big Apple” souvenier plastic cup (only one per fan, please!); two “Nutra-Good Power Bars” for snack attacks while watching the action; and best of all, various drug samples generously donated by our nation’s leading pharmaceutical companies! The contents of this last may vary from PAK to PAK though, and no liability is accepted, Ha Ha Ha!
This Year’s PAK!
But best of all, we at the NIT have a special bit of excitement for Pack Wolves next year – THE MEDIOCRITY HALL OF FAME. This inaugural award, which features a prize of a week’s vacation to one or more various vacation spots such as Panama City, FLORIDA, is given to the coach who has been most Consistently Mediocre At A Major University Over A Ten Year Period.
And your Coach Hairb is the prohibitionious front runner for this prestigious award!!!!! Can you believe it? I could not, but I assure you there is honor here all around, as when the lion swoops upon his kill.
So, Wolfpacker People, we look forward to seeing you back at the NIT, where you belong, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! If you have questions call me at (212) 578-1644, and ask for Stan. However, if a “Mr. Hariri” picks up the phone, please call back later; he is the manager and might not understand NIT Fever.
SEE YOU NEXT YEAR MY BRAVE WOLF PEOPLE,