From the Greensboro News & Record, a shocking announcement:
Evans Declared Academically Ineligible For UNC Game
By Steve Norton, N&R Staff Writer
GREENSBORO, NC (AP) NC State Wolfpack starting quarterback Daniel Evans, the former benchwarmer who led the Wolfpack to two come-from-behind victories over ranked conference opponents, is “academically ineligible” for NC State’s upcoming game against the University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill, ACC Commissioner John Swofford announced today.
“We, as a conference, want to make sure this young man is on pace toward his degree.” - ACC Commissioner John Swofford
The announcement surprised many conference observers, who noted that Evans is generally an outstanding academic performer with at least a “B” average - “an exemplary scholar-athlete and well-grounded young man,” according to several sources.
Swofford, however, described the suspension as a “academic precautionary” move. “We have to be concerned, first and foremost, with this young man’s progress toward his degree,” Swofford said. “As a conference, we are most concerned when a young man comes from nowhere, as it were, and leads a team to two big wins. Obviously, if he can do that, he’s not spending the amount of time he needs hitting the books.” Sitting out one game should give the redshirt sophomore time to get back on an academic even keel, Swofford said: “Maybe he’ll make straight A’s instead of almost-straight-A’s!”
Swofford dismissed as “coincidence” the fact that the ACC declared Evans ineligible for the Pack’s game with North Carolina. “I can’t see why people would see bias here,” Swofford said. “Just because I am a UNC alumnus, a former UNC quarterback, bleed Carolina blue, and served as Athletic Director at UNC doesn’t mean that I don’t exercise my ACC duties with complete impartiality.” In fact, Swofford said, “I am offended by the suggestion [of bias]. This is all about the ’student’ part of ’student-athlete,’ and I am sure NC State won’t miss him that much. Go Heels!”
Go Heels! - John Swofford, circa 1971
In a related story (as first reported on the “Section Six” website), Swofford announced that “each and every touchdown” scored by the Pack in its Thursday night 24-20 upset win over Florida State is being subjected to “intensive official review” by the ACC Coordinator of Officials and fellow UNC alumnus Tommy Hunt. Hunt, when asked about the review process, said it was “double secret,” but would probably lead to one or more touchdowns being taken away on the grounds that the points were awarded on the basis of still photo evidence rather than “runnin’ pictures.”
Jim Knight - “One Shining Moment”
Veteran ACC official Rick Page and “highly respected” Chief Official Emeritus Jim Knight will participate in the review, Swofford said, so that there can be “total confidence” in the accuracy of the review process’s findings.
See “IT’S ALL IN YOUR BEST INTERESTS,” Page C-6
Would it really be THAT surprising? Credit Canutian on PackPride for the touchdown review idea.
The headline scared me for a half-sec, but hilarious no doubt
This is good… very good. It would be funnier if not so true.
this scared me to death when i first saw the headline. Something like that would happen to State though…theres always something
Does this qualify as the “October surprise”?
Happy Halloween
It’s not 4/1, but this article makes it seem that way. Best of all, it was funny. Good work, guys.
almost broke my heart there for a second…..
Ted Roof was not available for comment, he was eating nachos
Ted Roof said, “Crunch crunch.”
Thanks “Little Johnny”, but I’m not sure this will be enough. Lets get Claude Sitton, Mickey McCarthy and Dudley Bradley and come up with a fool-proof plan … maybe Dickie can convince Frank Beamer to come down and assist John for that one game?
BLS
^ Bob, I think Micky McCarthy will need a hall pass from Hell to assist with this one.
WE tv reports: Beamer has agreed to serve as ass. coach of UNC for 1 day, Nov. 18th.
UPDATE: After receiving “Tarheel Coaches” care package (consisting of pretty blue shirt, mustache grooming kit, family-size box of tampons, autographed Roy Williams 8×10, and lifetime membership to the jelly-of-the-month club), Beamer backs out of the deal.
Jim Grobe is reportedly “thrilled” with this announcement. “It seems to me that the Wolfpack is looking ahead and maybe we can beat them yet again,” said Coach Grobe.
Johnny Swofford, Roy boy Williams, perfect coifs in a gale force wind. How do they do that every time?
Dude, you are officially “On Notice”
Maybe this isn’t the right spot, but did anyone notice how we DIDN’T introduce Sidney Lowe during the game last night? I wasnt at CF, so it could have happened and I missed it. But it wasn’t on TV, just the Stanley Cup presentation (which was cool too)…but what a wasted opportunity.
I would like to know to whom I need to send my ambulance (and subsequent cpr) bill. . . Tongue in cheek, for you maybe, but I swallowed mine!!
(somewhat) funny, nonetheless!
Grobe’s comments continue,
“It seems to me that the Wolfpack is looking ahead and maybe we can beat them yet again,â€? said Coach Grobe, “then I can post my resume on Monster and get the hell out of Winston Salem.”
SO NOT FUNNY, I ALMOST HAD A STROKE WHEN I READ THE HEADLINE
Ok….I’ll admit it….I bit hook, line, and sinker. On another note……did it bother anyone that a member school of the UNC System was playing (band) for the other team. Just a thought.
I realize yer just havin’ intercourse with us but uhhhh, I wouldn’t put it past them SOBs.
did it bother anyone that a member school of the UNC System was playing (band) for the other team. Just a thought.
No and I couldn’t imagine anything less important to be concerned about. I think it was great that those kids got to perform at a big time football game.
The truly sad thing is that when I read the headline I actually believed it. Move along no bias here. Make sure you review ALL of the Pack’s TDs. And none of their opponents.
That’s actually what makes it so very nice to me - that it IS believable the way these clowns have screwed us over and over again.
I apologize to anyone who had cardiac issues on seeing the headline.
please do not do that again, unless you put “Parody” in the title. *puts his heart back in his chest*
well actually my roommate is in daniel evans and his bro’s class and he WASN’T THERE this morning. hope the ncaa doesn’t find out.
Thanks for the heart attack.
And yes, not only was I insulted that FSU wanted to have their cake and eat it too, but I also think much less of the administration at NCCU and the university as a whole for renting their band out like that. I also felt insulted that the powers-that-be at FSU expect us to believe that their main motivation for not sending the band was the students’ academic interests rather than good ole greenbacks.
Swofford will announce tomorrow that Julius Peppers, Willie Parker, and Dre Bly will be available for action in the State game. “Again, we are concerned that these athletes make satisfactory progress toward their degrees. It’s not their fault the NFL interrupted their studies. UNC has been kind enough to extend a hand to these students and they are on track to graduate any year now.”
^^ My finacee thought that the weirdest thing. She asked whether I’d ever heard of a school renting out another school’s band before and I had to say I had not. Actually, that gives me an idea.
Glad my post could be a small source of inspiration, CG.
The NCCU Chancellor was on the admin faculty at Florida State. It was not a random choice. The colors were sort of the same and being on Nat TV was a treat for the NCCU folks.
BLS
I love the:
See “IT’S ALL IN YOUR BEST INTERESTS,� Page C-6
Heck, if Willie Parker was available, Bunting wouldn’t play him.
It was wonderful to be in a Chapel Hill motel last night watching the Pack beat Fla. State. Ironically, I got to eat breakfast this morning in the midst of the Duke, Fla. State, Virginia, and College of Charleston’s women’s golf teams. I got a couple of “digs” in with the Fla. State girls about the game.
Did anyone want to “throw up” last night when ESPN talked about their discussions with Lee Fowler about the N C State coaching situation?
I know this is a rambling post, but Daniel Evans has guts!!! I really like that!
Daniel Evans has more than just guts, he’s got friggin ICE WATER in his veins!! OUTSTANDING JOB ON BOTH SIDES OF THE BALL!!!!! Everyone said for us to have a chance we’d have to play damned near perfect football, well, rushing, passing, BLOCKING, defense……DAMNED NEAR PERFECT!! NO turnovers, late game sacks, stout O-line play, and smart QB play!
THIS TEAM IS FOR REAL——-BRING ON WEAK FOREST, BRING ON CLEMSON!! EVANS FOR ACC POY!!
I’ve been at a convention all week and away from net all day. Could not wait to read what has been posted, but come on guys/gals, I saw the headline and knew this was a spoof! Could not wait to read once I saw the headline.
I swear to god I was about to stab something until I noticed the satire/parody label. Please do not do this to my fragile system.
thebigwood Says: Maybe this isn’t the right spot, but did anyone notice how we DIDN’T introduce Sidney Lowe during the game last night?
A lot was going on Thursday night. Sidney was very prominent on the Jumbotron with Kay Yow. More would have IMO been too much and taken away from the Breast Cancer promo Sid did with Kay.