Surprise Inspections Make Sure UNC-CH Classes Actually Exist

There is a classic quote from the movie The Usual Suspects:

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.

Now UNC-CH has to prove to the world that they do indeed exist.

(Don’t know if I still need to do this for an 18 year old movie, but spoiler alert for the video at the bottom if you haven’t seen The Usual Suspects)

This story was mentioned in 1.21 Jigawatt’s always excellent and informative daily news update but I thought it deserved its own entry.

Because, from this N&O story:

Surprise inspections have been taking place across the UNC-Chapel Hill campus in recent days as administrators seek to prove that students and faculty are, indeed, meeting for their scheduled classes.

Stop and think about that for a second.

Inspections to make sure classes exist.

That would be just sad and embarrassing for a community college, a junior high, a pre-school, a cooking class or dog obedience school. So what does that say for a major university that loves to consider themselves a public Ivy?

You can read the N&O article for details on the inspections and reactions from the faculty. I especially enjoyed this quote from Lew Margolis, a professor in UNC-CH’s public health department:

“I do not believe that any of these credit-hour monitoring proposals would have seen the light of day had there not been exasperation about the disconnect between big time college sports and the mission of universities,” he wrote. “There may be more than one reason to create a fake class, but at the very top of the list, with a large gap between number one and number two, is the need to keep revenue-generating athletes eligible. I don’t think that we fake classes in musicology or modern European history or molecular chemistry, because faculty across the galaxy of universities hold one another accountable.”

So far there is at least one class that is still M.I.A.

In the College of Arts and Sciences, there were too many classes to visit one by one, so administrators checked a random sample of 187 courses out of 2,300 lectures, labs and discussion sections offered this semester. A few were meeting in alternate locations, but only one could not be accounted for. That one will be re-checked this week, spokeswoman Dee Reid said.

Similar to UNC-CH’s guesstimation and artificial inflation of the spring football game attendance, sometimes the inspection consists of looking in the window and pulling a number out of thin air.

“I tried to do it in a very nondisruptive way,” Eaker-Rich said of her checks. “Our building has windows on the doors, so if the doors were closed, I could just look in and say, ‘OK, there’s Dr. So-and-So, and there are approximately 25 students in there and obviously they’re doing something.’ ”

This story has also been picked up by sports blogs The Big Lead and Barstool Sports if you’d like to read their takes.

Don’t forget to check out the SFN Forums.

About WV Wolf

Graduated from NCSU in 1996 with a degree in statistics. Born and inbred in West "By God" Virginia and now live in Raleigh where I spend my time watching the Wolfpack, the Mountaineers and the Carolina Hurricanes as well as making bar graphs for SFN. I'm @wvncsu on the Twitter machine.

UNC Scandal

23 Responses to Surprise Inspections Make Sure UNC-CH Classes Actually Exist

  1. Old MacDonald 03/01/2013 at 10:48 AM #
  2. packof81 03/01/2013 at 11:15 AM #

    UNCheat has truly become a laughingstock. How long will this farce continue?

  3. blpack 03/01/2013 at 12:16 PM #

    They really believe everything they have been doing has been above board. Would love to see justice served.

  4. highstick 03/01/2013 at 12:35 PM #

    Funny!! Good story, Stumptown!

    Last night when I left a Board meeting, the Clempson-Carolina game was over on WBT in Charlotte and Roy was on the radio analyzing the game.

    Roy talked about turnovers with both teams and then said “something about McAdoo trying to make a move like Meadowlark Lemon”. Then he caught himself and said “that’s probably wrong cause these kids are too young to even know who Meadowlark Lemon is”..

    Roy, not only do they not know Meadownlark, they probably can’t tell you who the Vice President is or how to add 14 and 21..Try sending them to class..

  5. PackerInRussia 03/01/2013 at 1:09 PM #

    “There may be more than one reason to create a fake class, but at the very top of the list, with a large gap between number one and number two, is the need to keep revenue-generating athletes eligible.”

    Would someone tell these clowns that this is an academic issue and not an athletics issue?

    -Mark “The Bark” Emmert

  6. JohnGalt78 03/01/2013 at 1:27 PM #

    ^ Great Link MacD, a must read!

    “They” enter a classroom, say, Block Stacking 101 (5 credit hours): …”class… raise your hand if you are here”

    A very simple request, thus most raise their hand. Others look confused (normal). All of them breathe from their mouths (normal).

    “They” count raised hands and count the heads. They use a pencil and paper and draw a line. They then put the number of heads above the line and the number of hands below the line. Math happens (not normal). They thus conclude that (1) there is indeed a class and thus (2) there must be more such classes and finally (3) all classes have greater than 100% attendence and thus They confirm that, as They already declared, They are The Flagship.

  7. bill.onthebeach 03/01/2013 at 2:13 PM #

    …smh… over and over….

    UFB… guys… nothing to say but UFB….

  8. Pack78 03/01/2013 at 2:14 PM #

    Question: If this whole scheme was cooked up and run by only two people ( Crowder and Dr. Kangaroo, thanks Gov. Martin!) who have both long since skedaddled, why do these clowns need to keep checking for fraud?

  9. wolfbuff 03/01/2013 at 3:06 PM #

    This is not just a case of nerds not knowing how to run an enterprise. Too many years of inbreeding have led to a decline in their leadership IQ. Now that some outsiders have ventured into Chapel Holler, they’ve been exposed as a reflection of the banjo-picking inbred hicks in Deliverance. They made Martin squeal like a pig. They better diversify the gene pool over there or this kind of stuff will continue to happen.

  10. MrPlywood 03/01/2013 at 3:41 PM #

    What would it take to get Jim Nabors (as Gomer Pyle) to do the inspections?

  11. rtpack24 03/01/2013 at 3:53 PM #

    When I read this in the paper I almost fell over. After all that has gone on over there they actually have to verify there are classes? This has and continues to be the most bizarre story that has ever unfolded and still nothing has been done about it. Does the NCAA have access to the national and local media?

  12. tdouble 03/01/2013 at 4:21 PM #

    Easy solution. Create a First Year College curriculum and have student/athletes enrolled in it for first 3-4 years on campus, problem solved!

  13. bill.onthebeach 03/01/2013 at 5:31 PM #

    It MUST be FRIDAY !!!

    (twice in one day )

    AND NOW THIS !!!

  14. Pack78 03/01/2013 at 5:54 PM #

    ^New evidence! And it’s Friday! LOL at WRAL still pushing this as a ‘Football Scandal’.

  15. MrPlywood 03/01/2013 at 6:06 PM #

    Can the SBI extradite? Something tells me Orange Julius won’t be back anytime soon.

    The fact that Crowder is mentioned is very good right? Isn’t she the connection to the athletic teams, including bball? It will be interesting to see if the prospect of fines and/or jail time help clear up her memory.

  16. tobaccordshow 03/01/2013 at 6:34 PM #

    Magical things happen when a plea deal is offered up for info… I suggest giving Crowder complete immunity from charges. Suddenly, her memory will be fantastic.

  17. 61Packer 03/01/2013 at 8:11 PM #

    I think all those classes are just a pigment of our imagination.

  18. PackerInRussia 03/02/2013 at 3:28 AM #

    ^ Good point. What do you want to bet they try to reclassify what is considered being “in class.” Just by being a student at UNC, they’re exposed to all kinds of intellectually stimulating ideas, thoughts, vibes, etc. Their intellects are enhanced just by hanging around. Even if they’re not “in class” according to the classical definition of being “in class,” who’s to say they’re not still learning and that that shouldn’t count as something. Call it a degree in Free Thinking. Just don’t call it a sham. That will hurt someone’s feelings.

  19. NCSU88 03/02/2013 at 10:31 AM #

    PIR – That depends on what “is” is.

  20. highstick 03/02/2013 at 6:23 PM #

    CD, you and BL must be “bosom buds” now! LOL! Danny Talbot was an asshole, no matter which sport!

  21. runnerdude11 03/02/2013 at 11:01 PM #
  22. motorhead 03/03/2013 at 8:01 AM #

    Slightly off topic, but The Usual Suspects is one of my favorite movies.

  23. virginiawolf 03/03/2013 at 11:17 AM #

    You know, when I see a car pulled over on the side of the road and a state trooper writing a ticket … I too slow down for the next 4 or 5 miles but then ease back over the speed limit. Although unCheat didn’t get pulled over, they may have noticed the flashing lights on the side of the athletic fields and court and therefore are going through the motions for the next semester or two. So for them to find “compliance” with “surprise inspections” shouldn’t be a surprise, but it sure as hell should be an embarrassment to have reached this low of a point in trusting your administration/faculty/athletic staff. That is just sad.

Leave a Reply