I hope that everyone had an enjoyable Labor Day weekend. Mine started Thursday morning on a trip to Myrtle Beach (sans kids) with friends and relatives. Weâ€™ve had a good time, but Iâ€™ve seen a number of things that I just had to share:
– The gates along the Mason-Dixon Line are still unlocked.
– There are bikinis sold in larger sizes than you would think necessary. However, there are evidently many people that donâ€™t realize that larger sizes are available.
– There is definitely a time and place for tiny bikinis. However, those times/places are not as frequent as some people think.
– From TOB: Stats are a lot like bikinis in that what they reveal is interesting; but what they conceal could be vital.
VA82 corollary: Stats are also like bikinis because they can both reveal things that you wish you hadnâ€™t seen.
– Most people look better with their clothes on. Many of the exceptions to this rule dress to show that they are NOT most people.
– There are at least a few plastic surgeons on the east coast that are doing good work.
– Who knew that â€œmiddle-aged hookerâ€ was a fashion niche?
– There are still states so backward that smoking indoors hasnâ€™t been banned yet. If you ever find me permanently relocated to one of these states, then you can be sure that something has gone horribly wrong with the master plan.
– You might be a redneck if the day before you are getting married on the beach, you wander around inviting complete strangers to attend the ceremony.
– Water seeks its own level. Sand seeks the most sensitive places to collect.
– I played corn toss (cornhole) for the first time this weekend. They say that confession is good for the soul. Weâ€™ll see.
– If beach music is so great, then why didnâ€™t anyone ever make more than a dozen songs?
– Alcohol abuse has been shown to have many deleterious effects. When combined with karaoke, you can add â€œhearingâ€ and â€œthe will to liveâ€ to the list.
– Pain medicine and alcohol do not mix wellâ€¦.unless your intentions were to pass out on the beach and then wake up when it is time to vomit.
– Alcohol doesnâ€™t help you dance any better. It simply removes the normal inhibitions that most people have about looking stupid and deadens the pain when you fall.
– Iâ€™m not sure if drunks are stupid or if stupid people get drunk so that they will have an excuse. But Iâ€™m beginning to think that both assertions may be true.
– From Dean Vernon Wormer:
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
Obviously, Dean Wormer never visited Myrtle Beach.