Labor Day Observations from Myrtle Beach

I hope that everyone had an enjoyable Labor Day weekend. Mine started Thursday morning on a trip to Myrtle Beach (sans kids) with friends and relatives. We’ve had a good time, but I’ve seen a number of things that I just had to share:

– The gates along the Mason-Dixon Line are still unlocked.

– There are bikinis sold in larger sizes than you would think necessary. However, there are evidently many people that don’t realize that larger sizes are available.

– There is definitely a time and place for tiny bikinis. However, those times/places are not as frequent as some people think.

– From TOB: Stats are a lot like bikinis in that what they reveal is interesting; but what they conceal could be vital.
VA82 corollary: Stats are also like bikinis because they can both reveal things that you wish you hadn’t seen.

– Most people look better with their clothes on. Many of the exceptions to this rule dress to show that they are NOT most people.

– There are at least a few plastic surgeons on the east coast that are doing good work.

– Who knew that “middle-aged hooker” was a fashion niche?

– There are still states so backward that smoking indoors hasn’t been banned yet. If you ever find me permanently relocated to one of these states, then you can be sure that something has gone horribly wrong with the master plan.

– You might be a redneck if the day before you are getting married on the beach, you wander around inviting complete strangers to attend the ceremony.

– Water seeks its own level. Sand seeks the most sensitive places to collect.

– I played corn toss (cornhole) for the first time this weekend. They say that confession is good for the soul. We’ll see.

– If beach music is so great, then why didn’t anyone ever make more than a dozen songs?

– Alcohol abuse has been shown to have many deleterious effects. When combined with karaoke, you can add “hearing” and “the will to live” to the list.

– Pain medicine and alcohol do not mix well….unless your intentions were to pass out on the beach and then wake up when it is time to vomit.

– Alcohol doesn’t help you dance any better. It simply removes the normal inhibitions that most people have about looking stupid and deadens the pain when you fall.

– I’m not sure if drunks are stupid or if stupid people get drunk so that they will have an excuse. But I’m beginning to think that both assertions may be true.

– From Dean Vernon Wormer:

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Obviously, Dean Wormer never visited Myrtle Beach.

About VaWolf82

Engineer living in Central Va. and senior curmudgeon amongst SFN authors One wife, two kids, one dog, four vehicles on insurance, and four phones on cell plan...looking forward to empty nest status. Graduated 1982

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16 Responses to Labor Day Observations from Myrtle Beach

  1. Clarksa 09/04/2011 at 10:51 PM #

    I’ll add some from around Raleigh.

    – Young coeds in skirts and boots look good.
    – However, much like bikinis, some coeds should just not go for the skirts and boots look. Better yet, look into a mirror before you drag yourself out looking like that.
    – Apparently the skirts and boots have now drifted to the MILF set, as I saw two walking around Lowe’s of all places today.

  2. SMD 09/04/2011 at 11:30 PM #

    There’s a reason that I refer to Myrtle Beach as the Redneck Riviera! 😉

  3. wolfpack2002 09/04/2011 at 11:48 PM #

    Nice post, definitely a lot of truths pointed out. I just got back from near Myrtle Beach last night after a week and a day. Family trip to Surf Side, just a couple minutes drive to the south. Gorgeous weather for the week, as they missed all the weather from Irene there…

  4. Boyd 09/05/2011 at 12:27 AM #

    You might be a redneck if……

    … vacation in Myrtle Beach. You know there are a ton of really great beaches in NC that don’t sport the mid 40’s hooker and early 20’s steroid look, right? But if that’s what you’re in to….haha

  5. highstick 09/05/2011 at 12:56 AM #

    Greetings and salutations from Lake Tahoe…Myrtle Beach does not have a lock on overweight..In fact, there’s a few here too. Dang better scenery here though and no freakin’ humidity. Was above 10,000 today and it was a little chilly. Going back up there to do so more intensive hiking tomorrow. Might even take a heligoflipter trip over the lake as well as the Cowdog “sanctioned” dinner cruise.

    I cured myself of ever bitching about Charlotte or Raleigh traffic ever again on the way up. Into San Fran is easy, but I do not like the Oakland/Bay Bridge to Sacramento traffic at all~

    Last night on TV they kept talking about the Wolfpack and it just didn’t sound right and then it hit me, it was the “other Wolfpack”.

  6. MrPlywood 09/05/2011 at 2:33 AM #

    Evidently there’s a time and a place for no bikini. At the lake today, as I was cruising into my usual island spot, I “noticed” what appeared to be a very tiny thong bikini sunning on a powerboat deck. After I had tied up and set my chair on the beach, she stood up and revealed that she was naked as a jaybird. Proud of it too. I have to say she had the body for it. Talk about better scenery 🙂

  7. wolfonthehill 09/05/2011 at 7:17 AM #

    So the woman who sits in front of us in Section 19 decided to let us know upon her arrival for the season that “it’s actually legal in North Carolina for a woman to be topless in public”. I’m certainly hoping she wasn’t tipping her hand to any specific plans she has in mind.

    But thanks for the well-needed laugh WAY too early on a Monday morning, Va. Long afternoon with friends here at the house yesterday… too much wine, and the f’ing weather radio went off at 7am to announce flash floods warnings in the area for a storm that’s still 12-24 hours away. Relying on Excedrin instead of sleep at this point… but damn, the bottle of 20-year-old Opus One that a friend brought over was spectacular. 🙂

  8. TOB4PREZ 09/05/2011 at 8:43 AM #

    Love the piece…. but seriously, as was mentioned above… what self-respecting southerner still goes to Myrtle Beach???

    You must’ve passed at least a dozen beaches that would have provided a much less “obnoxious experience”.

    Again though… great read!

  9. ncsumatman 09/05/2011 at 9:19 AM #

    South Carolina is so backward, they let business owners and patrons decide the atmosphere of a restaurant/bar rather than the General Assembly. What the hell are they doing down there, trying to let people do willy nilly what they will their property? The nerve!

  10. 61Packer 09/05/2011 at 9:43 AM #

    SC sure is backward! Talk about still being in the dark ages; their gas prices are SO behind us here in NC. Fill ‘er up in Surfside for $3.40 a gallon, drive back here to Wake County where it’s over $3.70 a gallon.

    Did someone mention the General Ass?

  11. TOBtime 09/05/2011 at 10:19 AM #

    The size of the bikini will be inversely proportional to the muffin-top under the skin tight shirt she wears.

    How that pathetic, disgusting look ever got popular I’ll never know.

    The reason SC allows smoking everywhere is that stopping it will also help kill their snowbird tourist flow. On any given Sunday morning between June 1 and Labor Day there are FEW NC plates on 220 South between Greensboro and Asheboro.

  12. highstick 09/05/2011 at 11:33 AM #

    C’mon down to Rock Hill and buy the gas for $3.25…..You guys are starting to figure out why we seceded the first time!!

  13. 1990alum 09/05/2011 at 12:11 PM #

    Signs you are officially over the hill:

    #1: Complaining about women you are not related to not wearing enough clothing.

    Come on. Rage against the dying of the light!

    What lake? What Lowes?

  14. Clarksa 09/05/2011 at 12:23 PM #

    ^Wake Forest Lowe’s…

  15. bamawolfpacker 09/05/2011 at 4:08 PM #

    By the way, the ORIGINAL redneck riviera is the Alabama coast/Fla panhandle, from Gulf Shores/Orange Beach/Pensacola Beach/Destin to Panama City. MB doesn’t even come close.

    (Like there are no rednecks at Carolna Beach either)

  16. wufpup76 09/05/2011 at 8:58 PM #

    Very nice.

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