EDSBS Translates Coachspeak for Tech’s Paul Johnson

In his weekly interview with reporters prior to the upcoming NC State game, Paul Johnson was busily speaking in his native tongue of “coach-speak.”  No problem with that, of course, pretty much every coach does, as well as most every player who’s used to having a reporter’s microphone stuck in his face.  Coach-speak can be somewhat indecipherable, as often it takes 50-100 words to say nothing at all.  Johnson’s no different there, nor is NC State’s own Tom O’Brien.  Fortunately, however, the website Every Day Should Be Saturday has translated what Johnson actually meant in his interview. NC State is mentioned prominently.

Georgia Tech coach Paul Johnson gives interviews from time to time. These interviews are conducted in a dialect many Americans do not speak so we translate them for you, the EDSBS reader, in order to further your understanding of college football’s dynamic personalities and colorful local personalities.

Do you see the winner of this game moving into the Top-25?

“Oh, I don’t know about that. That’s for somebody else to worry about. I’m just worried about trying to get our football team ready to play this week against a good team.”

Translation: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to soil the doilies on this table, it’s just that there’s all this dirt on my hands from doing the actual work of coaching a football team. A sharecropper doesn’t worry about reading the almanac, because he knows whatever time the sun comes up he’s gonna be whipping a mule trying to scrape ten dollars out of the hard, indifferent earth, son. I’m whipping that mule, son. What are you doing right now?”

(re: GT’s ACC win streak:) Do you think NC State would mention that streak?

“I don’t know. Everybody handles those things differently, it’s probably not something I would have talked about. I wouldn’t have known it probably, but to each their own, I guess.”

Translation: “I assume other coaches are too busy handing out Midol and primping in front of mirrors to do that kind of bullshit. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go beat up an anvil with my bare hands just to keep it in its place.”
(re: GT’s ACC win streak:) Do you think NC State [coaches] would mention that streak [to their players]?


As far as NC State head coach Tom O’Brien goes, here are some translations of what he had to say about the Yellow Jackets:

“I think the most important thing we can do is focus on Georgia Tech. That’s the only thing we’ve got control over right now.”

Translation: We’re hoping that Ron Cherry doesn’t show up either.  No one can control him, not even Ron Cherry.  I think that guy enjoys the attention he gets after he throws a penalty flag, because he really does love to throw ’em.  I’m still trying to figure out that “giving him the business” call.

“You can’t be worried about what your record is going to be after the third game of the year.”

Translation: Actually, O’Brien translated this himself later in his presser. “We’re not going to wear our arms out patting ourselves on the back.”  Good idea.

“It’s always been a problem when we’ve played option football teams that they do a great job of holding the football.”

Translation: Our defense has sucked the past three years, and even though I won’t say it out loud, I know it too.

“Everytime they throw the ball it’s a big play.”

Translation: I’ve seen a lot of Nesbitt’s game films, and we’re planning on those big plays being in the hands of our defenders.  It’s really kind of fun having a pass defense again, something I mentioned to Jon Tenuta at dinner.  I can only hope they haven’t noticed that huge seam in the middle of our cover-two.

In other ‘Atlanta-media-coach-lunacy’ news, I encourage you to following these links for a good laugh.