Letting go of expectations

'09 Football17

SFN: The following is a special submission to SFN from a longtime reader and contributor most famously known as SMD.

Letting Go of Expectations

To call my mood on Saturday night demoralized would have been generous at best. While I certainly didn’t expect the Wolfpack to beat Clem or his Son, I foolishly thought we might give the Tigers a little better game and at least execute some of the basics of football, such as wrapping up the legs on a tackle.

State fans are some of the worst to wallow in our own self-pity, and by Saturday night I was in a full-fledged swan-dive to the depths of Wolfpack martyrdom. “Why do I pay all this money when I never get to see us win a damn thing,” I woefully asked myself. And of course, that gets followed with the classic – “I should just give up my lifetime rights, save the money and find something else to be passionate about.”

I went to bed early Saturday night still feeling sorry for myself. The next morning I got up and drove to Charlotte to take in the Carolina Panthers game and tailgate for a freelance writing assignment. After I parked in uptown Charlotte, I didn’t have to walk too far to find some great tailgating going on. Every parking lot had dozens of grills and coolers. People were sporting their Panthers attire, and a few of the parties even had their own DJs blasting dance tunes. The party was going on full blast.

That’s when it hit me – these people are out here having a wonderful time and the Panthers are sitting on a 3-5 record with all manner of personnel issues. The Panthers tailgaters were determined not to let the low expectations game get them down. Regardless of what happened on the field, there was a party to put on! That sirloin isn’t going to grill itself and that beer certainly won’t drink itself.

Seeing the great party in Charlotte lifted me up from the depths of wallowing by reminding me that when it comes to following sports, there are tons of items – including how good the team is – that the fans have absolutely no control over. What we can control is the memories we make with our friends and family coming together at these sporting events.

The State games may suck on the field, but the fellowship with my friends and family provide memories that will last far longer than whether we beat Clemson or not.

Would these memories be better if State had a Top 10 team? Absolutely. But I’ve got no control over that and need to stop expecting anything regarding on the field accomplishments when it comes to Wolfpack athletics. I also have to stop letting what happens on the field define my happiness.

I can’t change the fact that I am a Wolfpacker. It’s in my DNA and I can’t imagine being anything else. What I can change is how I react to not having a winning athletic program. There are plenty of fanbases who are blessed with top-notch athletics programs, but don’t have half of the camaraderie and spirit I see every Saturday within Wolfpack Nation. It is a shame that such a passionate fanbase gets little success in return? Sure. But why focus on the lack of winning when nothing we do will change it? (Spare me the – “if we all stopped giving money” posts – when has that EVER happened?)

All that I can control is how much food I stuff into my friends and family on game day, and the memories we make in fellowship together. The cost of the tickets and parking are worth it to me for the chance to make these memories.

Let go of the expectations game and come by my tailgate for a brat and some Sweet Tea Vodka. You’ll be happy you did!

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'09 Football

17 Responses to Letting go of expectations

  1. senez 11/25/2009 at 11:33 AM #

    I agree 100%. I have enjoyed every single thing about going to Wolfpack games, regardless if we win or lose. Lots of memories have been made at both.

    But don’t you let BJD see this. He’ll have a stroke.

  2. Clarksa 11/25/2009 at 12:26 PM #

    NC State, the home of Zero Expectations.

    I became a much happier person to deal with when I came to that realization during the famous Thursday night Clemson debacle under Coach Amato.

  3. g6bentgrass 11/25/2009 at 12:33 PM #

    I took my my 9 and 13 year old sons to Blacksburg, leaving my 15 year old daughter and wife at home. This was a boys weekend. I most always have an expectation to win, and still did leading up to game time on Saturday. However, after watching 3-4 pass interference calls, and realizing halfway through the 3rd quarter there was no way we were going to win, I sat there dejected, silent, watching the rest of the game.

    On the way home Sunday from Blacksburg, only 15 miles from the house, we witnessed a car accident on 440 in Raleigh. A land rover rolled and another vehicle went off the road and into the ditch. I told my boys right then about how you never know whats going to happen. Be happy and enjoy what life gives you at this moment. On Monday we learn about Coach Bible and leukemia. You never know what life will throw your way.

    I want us to win as bad as anyone. But I do agree with DC Wolf. He couldn’t have said this better and at a more opportune time for me. The whole family is going out to CF EARLY Sat morning, enjoying the time together, having fun with the friends at our tailgate, and being thankful for what this universtiy and our athletics program has done to raise my quality of life. But, I still expect to beat the Tarheels.

  4. ldr of the pk 75 11/25/2009 at 12:42 PM #

    I’m not BJD, but here’s the stroke anyway.

    DCF- You’re correct that both Panther and Wolfpack fans have teams that suck, and that tailgaiting and the experience form many good memories.

    However don’t assume that you can’t do anything about it. If that is the attitude you take, you deserve to have any and everything that drains your wallet, your pride, your emotion, your well being, thrown at you.That doesn’t go just for NC State Atheletics, it goes for everything in life.

    You say spare you the “if we all stopped giving money” posts. Perhaps that’s one huge difference between Pro Sports and College. Pro Sports are a business for the owners. They depend on ticket sales, seat licenses, merchandise, food and beverage sales to make a profit. Profit means they can afford to pay their players. The better they can pay, should translate to better team performance in theory. When Pro teams become losers, the fans speak with their pocketbooks. In the Panthers case I hope you noticed that the Stadium wasn’t full and that by mid 4th quarter there wasn’t anyone there. It was the same again Thursday night. Perhaps you’ve caught a Bobcats game in Charlotte. Pretty new arena…..take your pick of open seats. Billionaire Bob Johnson hasn’t figured out how to run a sports team yet, and is actively wanting to sell the team. Would a full stadium and the revenue produced have him singing the same tune?

    The pro fans still have their allegiance and their fun and memories. But without a winning product at least part of the time, they can find a much cheaper way to be a fan. They sit in a bar and watch or sit in the living room. We college SUCKERS seem to just accept what the Jeds of the world spoon out to us, because we think we just have to support the good old alma mater. I’m still as big a Wolfpack fan as ever, in terms of do I holler, cheer, pull for my team. I have just as many mmemories of being with Wolfpack friends, old classmates, etc, today as I did 10 years ago. The difference is I weaned myself from being taken as a sucker. My support of the University is by helping out on a scholarship committee here at home. The production there is of fine young people that will produce wonderfully for themselves, their family, NCSU, and society.

    So go on, hide from the “if we all stopped giving money” posts. Lament them if you will. You’ll be perpetually pissed at the state of atheletics at State. You’re a bigger sucker than we knew.

    By the way are you this passive in the events that run your life and job? How about the country? Perhaps you deserve to finish last all the time.

  5. bradleyb123 11/25/2009 at 1:09 PM #

    I agree with DC Wolf, but only as long as the current administration remains in control of athletics at NC State. I feel like we have people in control that don’t care one iota about athletics. I don’t know what we can do to change that. We have an AD that doesn’t care about win-loss records by our coaches. We’re something like 6-and-50,000 in volleyball. What does it take to fire a bad coach? Does he have to commit a felony?

    What can us regular guys do to send a message? All I can think of is to unite (outside of the Wolfpack Club) and form some kind of union of fans that are sick and tired of mediocrity and those that tolerate it. If the union was big enough and loud enough, maybe we could do something to force them to listen and do something. I think it would have to involve holding back our donations, and doing so in large numbers. I would consider that myself, but I can’t be one of 20 people willing to take that step. It wouldn’t be enough to make them blink. But if several thousand people did it, just for one year to send a message, maybe we could get something done.

    This message had a good point, that we don’t really control things like whether we win or lose. But we do control our own memories and happiness. That is true. But the part I didn’t like was the “throwing in the towel” attitude when it comes to NC State athletics. I love my alma mater too much to not want better, and not want to fight for better. I just don’t know what I can do.

  6. Wulfpack 11/25/2009 at 2:31 PM #

    I very much enjoyed the post. DC Wolf is spot on. We’re all upset about the miserable state of our athletic programs. But I still enjoy routing for the Pack. I don’t know what I would do without the games. Sports seems to bring my family together. For that, I am grateful, win or lose.

    I disagree with the comparison to the Panthers. The Panthers have been a class organization in their short history. They’ve been to a Super Bowl, something a few franchises have never done in their long history. Last year, they were 12-4 before the Cardinals debacle. The Panthers have three division championships. And even this year, by all accounts a down year, the Panthers are sitting at 4-6 and still in the Wild Card chase. No, it’s probably not going to happen, but Jerry Richardson ONLY cares about winning, I can assure you that. I don’t think the same can be said for our Wolfpack athletic programs. I know Panther fans that come to every game from Myrtle Beach, from Knoxville, from Virginia. We both have great fan support. But I do think one organization cares much more about winning.

  7. iBeenPacked 11/25/2009 at 2:54 PM #

    It is, afterall, just a game. A while back when i had to take my daughter to he ER, the LAST thing on my mind was wolfpack athletics.

    I love my wolfpack, and NCSU is where i met my wife, but in the grand scheme of things, its just a game. I have probably enjoyed this season more than any other. Not because we suck, but because i have learned how dissociate wolfpack success with my own happiness. If i expect us to suck and we win. hey thats great. if we lose, well, then, it was expected. Grab the boy, go outside and enjoy throwing the football around.

    All that being said, on principle, mediocrity should never be rewarded. Donations to the wpc have been stopped until fowlup has been removed. I write it in every empty envelope i send in.

  8. ldr of the pk 75 11/25/2009 at 3:02 PM #

    Wulfpack- Jerry Richardson is a pretty much a no nonsense guy who wants to win. A good owner. But, this off season will truly tell you if he cares ONLY about winning. The point I was trying to make wasn’t about the desire to win, it was about how pro versus college fans treat a continual losing situation. And, how a lack of fan support results in revenue loss, which is a motivator to make the necessary changes.

    I still go back to Bob Johnson of the Bobcats. There aren’t many owners with any deeper pockets. No doubt he wants to win, but his decision making has been horrible at best. The product on the floor is decent but results are pathetic. The fans are staying home in droves. Hence, Johnson wants out. Change happens one way or another. In the Wolfpacks case the old cliche fits perfectly, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome”. Do we settle for that, or do we try and find a way to exert pressure and eventual change.

    By the way, give you and your family more credit than that. You could do just fine without going to the games. My family, alumni from 1941 on forward, spent the better part of 35 years going to Football and Basketball games. When it became impossible for that to continue, we still pulled as hard as ever for the Wolfpack, and still do. But Wolfpack Sports weren’t the glue that bound our family.

    Be thankful for your sports memories win or lose. But find something more meaningful in your family. I’ll bet you already do. Happy Thanksgiving to you.

  9. bradleyb123 11/25/2009 at 3:51 PM #

    iBeenPacked, you’re right. In the grand scheme of things, it IS just a game.

    But there’s nothing wrong with expecting (dare I say “demanding”) excellence. If you’re going to compete, do so to the best of your abilities. That tenet goes beyond the team currently on the field. It goes all the way to the top. The ones at the top are not demanding excellence. They are tolerating mediocrity, and sometimes, it seems they WANT mediocrity.

    If we’re not going to TRY our best, we may as well drop to some super low division, and just compete with actual students. Just stop recruiting and play intramural sports.

    If we’re going to try, we need to actually try, and do things right. Volleyball is a glaring example of what I’m talking about. We’ve won 6 conference games against 177 losses or something insane like that. At what point is it justified to remove the coaching staff, and replace them with people that want more than that?

  10. choppack1 11/25/2009 at 4:00 PM #

    DC Wolf – nice article.

    They say Bill Clinton was great at “compartmentalizing”. Basically, it meant that even if one area of your life sucked, you didn’t let it impact other areas.

    I was struck by the same enjoyable feeling you had before the Clemson game Saturday. However, there is a huge difference between the Panthers and the Wolfpack…the Panthers will make changes in the offseason, and will likely be in the playoffs again in short order. While they aren’t the Patriots or the Colts – they aren’t a doormat either. They’ll be good soon enough – simply because, if you follow the franchise, you know that the combination of the salary cap, a weak division, and an ambitious front office and leadership (if not the most competent) will result in a division championship and/or postseason appearance, sooner rather than later.

    OTOH, the situation w/ the Wolfpack is far more hopeless. And while the tailgate is great, the game has to kickoff sometime.

    I found my mood turn decidedly dark when a) the officials refused to overturn the obviously awful fumble call and b) TOB refused to go for it on 4th down w/ about 8-9 minutes left in the 4th quarter.

    DC – You right…it is best not expect anything other than a miserable wolfpack loss. Go into the stadium w/ a WTF attitude. If we win, that’s fantastic…if we lose, oh well, at least I got to hang out w/ some old freind and raised my cholesterol!

  11. imawolf 11/25/2009 at 5:48 PM #

    This article hit home with me also. I wrote a smoking e-mail on the state of our defense and the defensive coordinator….and discussed letting my lifetime seats go also….yet,,,darn it all,,, I’m a retired Marine Corps Major and every time I go on a Marine Corps base, the hairs on my arms stand tall…..and its the same when the Wolpack takes the field……….

    I AM A WOLFPACKER……….

  12. El Scrotcho 11/25/2009 at 5:57 PM #

    Nice article. I’ve enjoyed football much more after I stopped letting it affect my mood for days. IMO if you’re depressed or exuberant for 3 days after a Wolfpack game, your priorities are probably out of order.

    You can actively agitate for improvement without becoming obsessed.

  13. inhoc... 11/25/2009 at 7:13 PM #

    i guess we all just need to learn to be happy when our kids get nothing but honerable mentions and 10th place finishes too.
    having 0 expectations will eventually lead to an empty stadium and or a wine and cheese croud…..yeah there are plenty of things to be thankful in life, but go around telling the players and coaches that.

  14. highstick 11/25/2009 at 10:21 PM #

    I don’t buy it! There’s only winners and losers! I don’t expect to win all of the time, but I sure am not in the game to win it all twice, then quit!

    I absolutely detest this losing attitude. You guys can say all the PC things you want to make yourselves feel good!

    I want a winner, not a doormat!

  15. JT94 11/26/2009 at 7:56 AM #

    Great post here by DC Wolf. It is all about perspective. What DC highlights here is the reason I will ALWAYS love football more than basketball: the built in social element that is so different (and IMO superior to) the basketball expereience. We have always had a great time tailgating before football games, regardless of wins and losses. Do wins make it better? absolutely. Do I want to get the hell out of the Carter after losses sometimes? Yes. But, there are always 2-4 hours before kickoff to have a great time no matter what. To enjoy friends and family. To eat great food. To have some cold beverages. And to make memories with family and friends that will last a lifetime. All of which I have found are much better if I am less “keyed up” about the outcome of the game. I still have to remind myself that we are going to watch 18-21 year olds play football–I damn sure wouldn’t have wanted 55,000+ counting on me when I was 18…….

    I wholly disagree that adopting this attitude is a “losing” attitude. A coping mechanism maybe, but not a losing attitude. I want my Wolfpack to win more than anything. More than that, I want my University to present itself well, regardless of the venue (athletics, academics, public officals, etc). When this does not go well (and it certianly hasn’t this year), we have to look at what the average Wolfpacker can really do about it. What I mean is this: as rank and file Wolfpack fans, there is actually very little we can do to change what is happening on the football field (or basketball court or adminstration). Yes, we can stop giving money (and I do not fault one single person who has done this). Yes, we can write letters to Fowler, the chancellor or governor (and I would recommend doing this–I have). But the cold hard truth is that unless your name is Murphy, Vaughn, York or someone in that strata, your donation and your opinion have very little impact in the grand scheme of things.

    So, from where I sit, do everything you can to support the Pack based on where YOU are in life, but when you get to the game put it all in perspective. I will have 3+ hours on Saturday morning to spend with my family and throw the football around the parking lot with my kids. We will have great food. We will have cold beer. And then we will get into the stadium early to cheer for our seniors because those guys have worked their asses off for 4+ years. I’m guessing that they want to win AT LEAST as much as we do. I will cheer and I will expect a good performance. I will have fun. (Even if it means leaving the stadium early). Go Pack and Go to HELL Carolina.

  16. SMD 11/26/2009 at 12:32 PM #

    Here’s what it boils down to (and I forget which poster said this…)

    “i have learned how [to] dissociate wolfpack success with my own happiness. ”

    That says in 11 words what the entire column means.

  17. coppertop 11/26/2009 at 2:02 PM #

    I agree with this article, I was at state during the last few years of Mike Ocain era which saw no success against UNC, no bowl games and few wins in general.
    This time frame was when I fell in love with watching football and throughly enjoyed tailgating with freinds and enjoying company of friends new and old.
    I fully intend to keep that in mind this saturday and strive for a great time and vehemently praying for a wolfpack win!

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