SFN Note: We proudly welcome ‘Old MacDonald’ to the SFN author team with this entry. His first one is destined to become an SFN classic!
The team at StateFansNation thought it would be nice to take a break from the stress of wondering how UNC-CH will skate from major NCAA sanctions and sit back and enjoy the pure comedic value of the larger-then-life cartoon figure that is, Marvin Austin.
Just so I can get this out of the way – I personally DO NOT CARE what the NCAA and/or UNC-CH do about this stuff. ‘MA’ has already succeeded so well in making such an ass of himself – and, served to indict UNC-CH’s “Public Ivy” admissions office and academic program – that asking for more would be nothing short of greedy.
As you read through this entry and view the pictures and Austin’s comments below, do not let yourself forget that this is a guy who is probably on track to graduate with an actual degree from “Public Ivy” UNC-CH. Use that as your backdrop as we take a pictorial journey with Marvin through his life this past semester. Marvin posted all of this himself but really it deserved a better platform…and we are just the guys to give it to him.
Also, I intend this piece to be very interactive. I admittedly do not know a lot about the current and former UNC-CH football players with whom Austin spends time or where agents live. So please leave comments here explaining things to me and to others. Also, I have no idea about the expensive sunglasses he likes and wears in some pictures. Furthermore, many of his tweets, grammar and slang are completely unintelligible to me; so I would greatly appreciate others correcting and explaining things to me.
Let’s kick it off with the following picture and comment from February 10th of this year:
Marvin explains ^this murky picture with the following comment:
This^ is a picture of Weslye Saunders taken by Marvin on April 24th of this year in what sure looks to be a hotel room. Apparently this is in Washington, D.C.
Now, I have a few observations here –
(1) Washington, DC is Marvin’s hometown. Correct? Then, why is he with his friend at a hotel in his hometown? How many of you went ‘home’ in college so that
you someone else could spend money on a nice hotel room. If all of Austin’s travel to D.C. is to be explained as him “just being at home,” then I guess the NCAA might find it interesting to know who is paying for the hotel room in Marvin’s hometown and why he needs one?
(2) I also believe school was in session then, so it’s pretty cool that they could blow off everything right before exams like that and have such an awsome road trip. (Remember my previous comments of how this guy is on track to get a degree from the ‘public ivy’? Who needs exams?!) I mean, I always had lots of papers and stuff to work on that time of year, but I just went to NC State so what do I know? It strikes me that he really travels a lot while he is able to hold down his public ivy classload.
Some of you might be wondering how I know that this was April 24th and how I know this is Saunders (and how I know about all of the dates in this piece for that matter.) I know these things because Marvin did such an outstanding job keeping the ENTIRE WORLD informed about his whereabouts, with the dates Twitter apparently puts on all pictures. To wit:
So you can see the date thing there. I am very new to this Twitter thing so you will have to bear with me.
Hey, while we are talking about Weslye, I think it might be cool to see some of the tweets these guys did together.
That is some high-level Public-Ivy-caliber discussion going on there. Anyway let’s move on.
May rolled around and we learned that Marvin likes guns. Here is him at a gun show:
With this one Marvin tweeted:
His marksmanship is a little dubious, however, as we learn from this picture apparently taken at a trip to the range:
With the message:
I think I would rather be the gunman than the hostage. I mean, the bad guy got winged a couple times while the hostage is dead for sure thanks to Marvin.
Marvin had some kind of dealings with a Gucci credit card on May 7th. This is where I really start to need the Barbara Billingsly character from “Airplane!” to translate for me. Help me out!
With the tweet:
Austin was back in D.C. on May 10. No indications regarding whether he was in a hotel, but we know he went to his favorite restaurant! We know this because he thought it was important to take a picture of the bill and show it to the world:
In addition to really liking the Cheesecake Factory a lot, most people probably did not realize that Marvin is an avid cupcake enthusiast! As a side note here, NFL teams might want to take note of his fetish-like relationship with food. Many, many times he tweeted a picture of a full plate of food with a boast about it. Sometimes he even posted a picture of the empty plate after his meal.
For example, with this picture:
Let me just say that if he shows up to his NFL training camp next year weighing 400 pounds, nobody should be surprised. Anyway I got sidetracked there. Back to the cupcakes. Check this out:
With that last one he tweeted:
So if anyone wants to experience the “best cupcakes in the world,” get yourself to D.C. and go to Georgetown! Hey, if Marvin gets drafted by the Redskins, maybe they will pay him to do cupcake commercials. This is an example of a portion of this piece where I would like people to remember that this guy, who is taking boastful pictures of cupcakes and posting them for the world, is a likely future UNC-CH “Public Ivy” graduate.
OK, this is where things get really fun. On May 15th, Marvin and the extra-classy Greg Little were in Miami together. Here is a super picture of them with two young ladies:
Check out these badasses who are a combined 0-6 against NC State! I like how Greg wears his hat backwards so we all know how cool he is. Also, I have been debating whether I should point out that Marvin has bigger boobs than either of his two dates in this picture. Moving along…
Apparently Marvin likes Miami, or someone in Miami, because he was back on Memorial Day Weekend! Check out his tweets:
As best as I can tell, in the above tweets Marvin is conveying his affection for “LIV,” an upscale Miami nightclub. He likes it so much he jokes that he gets the “tennant rate” because he is there so much. I wonder how much these “bottles” cost and who was paying for them.
I guess Kendrick Burney was with Marvin in Miami. I don’t know who that is but I am told he is somnehow significant. Anyway this is a cool picture.
Moving on, he was back in D.C. for a football camp on June 12th. Apparently MacAdoo and Balmer were with him this time. I don’t know who those guys are, either, but here they helping out the youngsters at a football camp in Marvin’s hometown where he also gets hotel rooms. I think it is super that he puts himself out there as a role model for the young kids. I am not going to make fun of him for that.
Here is some bonus material that did not really fit well into my timeline format but is too good to leave out. Think of this as being like the extra material on a DVD.
This was put up on April 15. I want to alert the luxery car dealers wherever Marvin happens to be when his ship comes in — you have a live one! There were several like this taken at various locations.
I thought our Duke friends would get a kick out of this one:
I think it is fitting to “end” on this one, but I have no earthly idea what this thing is. Someone needs to help me out here.
Marvin’s comment sheds little light on what it is: