Friday Funny: New Yorker on UNC

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U.N.C. Boosters Outraged That Some Athletes Took Real Classes

CHAPEL HILL (The Borowitz Report) — An organization of University of North Carolina athletic boosters expressed shock and outrage today over a report that a few members of U.N.C. sports teams may have taken real classes, despite the widespread availability of fake ones.

The report, which alleges that several players may have fulfilled the curriculum requirements of actual classes, sent shock waves through the U.N.C. booster community.

“These players apparently attended classes, wrote papers, and took exams,” Hal Cowlington, the president of a prominent U.N.C. booster club, said. “The impact of these distractions on their athletic performance is, to put it mildly, incalculable.”

A spokesman for the university was quick to say that the cases of athletes taking real classes appeared to be “isolated incidents,” but promised that U.N.C. would press forward with a full investigation of the matter.

“As a university, it is our sacred duty to protect our athletes from education,” the university spokesman said. “We can—and we must—do better.”

This tweet today from the SFN account was funny. It was also sad. It was also true.

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UNC Scandal

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  • #59851
    StateFans
    Keymaster

    Link U.N.C. Boosters Outraged That Some Athletes Took Real Classes CHAPEL HILL (The Borowitz Report) — An organization of University of North Carolina
    [See the full post at: Friday Funny: New Yorker on UNC]

    #59853
    wufpup76
    Keymaster

    Hat tip to the New Yorker for that one … not bad!

    SFN Twitter – Nice burn re: Washburn. Not much any holes can come back with on that.

    #59854
    JohnGalt78
    Participant

    Roy Williams: “I want ya’ll to know something….I know without a doubt that at the time when y’all say that I knew what I know I didn’t know, I’ll be damned if I knew anything about knowing anything so it’s impossible to actually know what you’re talking about even now that I know you know that I knew what I knew, ya know”

    #59855
    eas
    Participant

    ^^^ That right there is funny….

    #59856
    redcanine
    Participant

    ^^Nice one, Gault. LOL

    #59857
    Adventuroo
    Participant

    Ah, YES….Chris….

    A mind and talent are terrible things to waste……

    He could have been Jameius Winston’s patron saint….

    Just think….instead of barely getting by and floating bad paper in Hickory, he could be smoking a big cigar and talking trash to John Swofford’s secretary….and have his OWN personal parking space….right next to Johnny’s in the Tjah Exec Lot in Greensboro…

    But, he fell for a fast talking Italian’s charm…and, probably, promises….

    #59858
    wufpup76
    Keymaster

    Wish I’d thought of this earlier, the cherry on top of this article would have been a quote/quip ‘that they expected their investigation to wrap-up by Friday’.

    #59859
    Greywolf
    Participant

    ^

    the cherry on top of this article … ‘that they expected their investigation to wrap-up by Friday’.

    Oh yeah. Wrapped up by Friday.

    #59861
    Hungwolf
    Participant

    “The coaches’ responsibility should be to encourage kids to go to class, participate in class and do work,” Bubba Cunningham (UNC AD) said.
    Couldn’t have said it better myself.
    No class+No work+No participation = Coach didn’t do his job! Should be Fired!

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