Jim Rome’s Big Break

“Calipari, come on man, NC STATE????”

- Sports Radio host Jim Rome, to Memphis basketball coach John Calipari, August 4, 2006.

Oh, that wacky Jim Rome and his State-bashing ways. But it made me wonder: How do these radio hacks get to their positions of dubious celebrity? I mean, it’s not like they have to pass a CPA exam or something. Truly, can any idiot just get in front of a radio microphone and start bloviating on sports matters until he’s acquired a sufficient coterie of lackeys and wannabes to justify a minimum wage? The Giant stoops to a look at how Jim Rome might have obtained his first big break in the radio world:

From: roybubhooker@amusementworld.com

To: bjattce@socialservices.com

Re: Carnies

Date: May 12, 2000

Dear Billie as you may know we at Amusementworld (“the Big Tent Show Of The South!�) are getting ready to kick off our summer tour and boy do we need some midway carnies like always! Can you send us some who will per usual work for peanuts heh heh heh? No predicate violent felons this time if you please. And PLEASE, no whores. We’re still getting over Lulu Mae. Thank you, signed, Roybub

From: bjattce@socialservices.com

To: roybubhooker@amusementworld.com

Re: Carnies

Date: May 13, 2000

Dear Roybub:

Obviously we were not aware of Mr. Hodgkin’s history when we sent him to you last year, though I agree (without acknowledging liability in any way) that Mr. Hodgkin’s stating on his application “I will make you wear your ass as a hat trust me on this O Lord� should have raised a red flag. Memoranda have been sent to the appropriate quarters. As for Lulu Mae Stubbs, federal privacy laws on medical issues prevent my commenting further.

I am sending you two prospective applicants: A Mr. James Czernich, who answers to the name of “Pit Bull� and is a local resident, and a Mr. James Rome, of no fixed address. I hope that helps.

Billie Jattce
Social Worker II
Work Placement Division

From: roybubhooker@amusementworld.com

To: bjattce@socialservices.com

Re: Carnies

Date: May 13, 2000

Dear Billie thank you so much we are happy to talk to them though they will have to pass the Carnie Aptitude Test to get a ride license. Of course, it ain’t like it’s tough. Once we gave it to Zozo the Organ Grinder’s monkey and dang if that chimp didn’t get a 96! We’ll let you know.

From: bjattce@socialservices.com

To: roybubhooker@amusementworld.com

Re: Carnies

Date: May 13, 2000

Dear Roybub:

I am pleased by your response, though I would note that we at the Department take pride in the fact that our state has some of the toughest carnival licensing laws in the country and rather doubt that this monkey passed the test in a controlled environment and, frankly, without cheating. That point aside, please let us know how they do. We are rather anxious to place both applicants as they have been without steady employment for some time and threaten to become permanent public charges. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

PS: I am compelled to inform you that Mr. Czernich lacks a high school diploma, and does have one felony conviction, though I am assured he has reformed and the offense was technically a non-violent one.

Billie Jattce
Social Worker II
Work Placement Division

From: roybubhooker@amusementworld.com

To: bjattce@socialservices.com

Re: Czernich and Rome

Date: May 13, 2000

Dear Billie thank you for your honesty. Send him along we all make mistakes and as you know I did a little time myself back in the day though I have since found righteousness as you know. Also, here are a couple practice questions from the exam so they can study up:

1. A carnival ride explodes. Burning riders can be extinguished with:

a. gasoline b. blankets c. foam fire extinguishers d. WD-40.

2. Your till is short $8 at the end of your shift. To fix this, you:

a. rob somebody by the food tent b. report to your supervisor c. pick up money spilled under the ride d. don’t pay it no damn mind it’s the bossman’s problem.

Thanks signed Roybub

PS: Anything I need to know about that Rome guy?

From: bjattce@socialservices.com

To: roybubhooker@amusementworld.com

Re: Rome

Date: May 14, 2000

Dear Roybub:

Mr. Rome has no criminal record but has never found what we at the Department would consider steady work since his graduation from UC Santa Barbara. Not that there’s anything wrong with that per Departmental policy.

Billie Jattce
Social Worker II
Work Placement Division

From: roybubhooker@amusementworld.com

To: bjattce@socialservices.com

Cc: Bossman@amusementworld.com

Re: Rome and Czernich

Date: May 15, 2000

Dear Billie I am pleased to report that Pit Bull passed the test with flying colors and will be operating the Tilt-A-Whirl this season. He has moved in with Lightnin’ Sanders whom he says he met in the joint. Thank you for providing this fine hire to us! Unfortunately Mr. Rome did not pass the test scoring a 42 when the passing score is 60. I must say he might not be as dumb as a fence post but is certainly not any smarter and as you know if he is not licensed he cannot be a carnie and we cannot use him. I have copied Mr. Jonas Grumby, CEO, on this email as we cannot consider Mr. Rome for other employment; we gave Mr. Rome the test for Crap Shovel Worker I in the World Menagerie and he chose “my hands� as the best way to pick up zebra dung. Sorry signed Roybub

From: bjattce@socialservices.com

To: roybubhooker@amusementworld.com;Bossman@amusementworld.com

Re: Rome

Date: May 16, 2000

Dear Roybub and Mr. Grumby:

Obviously we at the department, though very happy about Mr. Czernich (you might pass on to him, per the request of local law enforcement, that Montana is a lovely place to settle down and raise a family, as you go there as part of your summer tour), are very disappointed that Mr. Rome failed his licensing test to be a carnie, not to mention the other position. I must state candidly that we are running out of options. Is there no place in your organization Mr. Rome can be useful? We at the Department would consider this a personal favor, and in return can tell you that, if Mr. Rome is placed, the matter of the Guerrero, Mendez, and Jimenez identification papers may well be resolved in your favor, though of course the two are not connected and must be judged on their own merits.

Billie Jattce
Social Worker II
Work Placement Division

From: Bossman@amusementworld.com

To: bjattce@socialservices.com

Re: Rome

Date: May 17, 2000

Dear Ms. Jattce:

I need Jiminez on the midway; he works his tail off. Does Mr. Rome like sports? I own a local AM radio station that needs a sports talk host from 1 to 3 AM. He doesn’t need to know anything. None of them do anyway. My last two radio hosts failed the carnival worker test, too, so there’s precedent. $7.15 per hour and a meal voucher at the “Grumby Skillet� restaurant. Please let me know.

Signed,

Jonas Grumby

From: bjattce@socialservices.com

To: Bossman@amusementworld.com

Re: Rome

Date: May 17, 2000

Dear Mr. Grumby:

Mr. Rome wants to know, can he have a cot?

Billie Jattce
Social Worker II
Work Placement Division

From: Bossman@amusementworld.com

To: bjattce@socialservices.com

Re: Rome

Date: May 17, 2000

Yes. He can bunk in the paint locker. No more than 30 days though and he’s got to keep clean.

From: bjattce@socialservices.com

To: Bossman@amusementworld.com

Re: Rome

Date: May 17, 2000

Dear Mr. Grumby:

Wonderful and thank you very much! I am certain that the Department, noting your cooperation in this matter, will see things your way in the Jiminez and other matters. Mr. Rome will be at the station Monday night.

Incidentally, I didn’t know sports radio talk show hosts could be that stupid. Not, per Departmental policy, that there’s anything wrong with that.

Billie Jattce
Social Worker II
Work Placement Division

General

16 Responses to Jim Rome’s Big Break

  1. BJD95 08/04/2006 at 8:28 PM #

    Funny stuff, as usual. Rome is a real tool.

  2. tractor57 08/04/2006 at 8:32 PM #

    Anything involving Rome I usually just ignore.
    Says a bit about my respect for SFN that I even looked.

  3. TampaPack 08/04/2006 at 9:21 PM #

    I saw the show on ESPN this afternoon. As much of a tool as Rome is Callapari actually said some great things about the school, the president, the AD, and the fans and boosters. He said he was “really close to taking the job.” And that he had the drive to go “toe to toe with Roy and Mike down the road”. His reason for not accepting was that the “timing was not right for him right now” – maybe had something to do with those education requirements and not being able to get his type kids into the school….????

  4. gumbydammit 08/04/2006 at 9:57 PM #

    As one who HAS passed the CPA exam, I find listening to Rome to be slightly less painful than listening to a cat passing a kidney stone. I find it amazing that the man can spend twenty minutes on ONE THOUGHT – not one subject, but a mere thought. He takes that thought and restates it over and over and over again in different sentence forms. And he has done this every single time I have ever come across him on the radio. Why does he do this? Because he’s a talentless hack, that’s why.

    I only wish Jim Everett had gone the extra step and absolutely pummeled Jim Rome when he had the chance.

  5. boxorice 08/04/2006 at 11:48 PM #

    I like the use of “bloviate.”

    “Sufficient coterie,” though, probably should not have made it through the editing process.

    In any case, Rome is a tool.

  6. Cardiff Giant 08/04/2006 at 11:50 PM #

    ^ I’m open to suggestions for alternate phrasing. :)

  7. Jeff D 08/05/2006 at 12:21 AM #

    My thought on the Everett thing was that J.E. should have thanked him for the compliment of comparing him to one of the great female athletes of the 20th century and really made Rome look like a chauvinist pig.

  8. boxorice 08/05/2006 at 1:00 AM #

    1) Coterie

    2) “Sufficient number of small-minded assholes”

  9. Cardiff Giant 08/05/2006 at 8:18 AM #

    ^ ROFLMAO! Nice one!

    I must admit I’m a fan of Roybub’s earthy, almost punctuationless prose: “PLEASE no whores…”

  10. VaWolf82 08/05/2006 at 9:55 AM #

    I must say he might not be as dumb as a fence post but is certainly not any smarter

    You can be assured that I have now stolen this for my own use. Good job.

  11. GoldenChain 08/05/2006 at 10:21 AM #

    As I’ve stated time and again, the best way to avoid the barbs of the talking-heads is to be smart, professional (LF?!) and WIN!
    That will take care of all of it.
    Penner and Mac (am 610 in Charlotte) had Chuck on for an interview then afterwards proceeded to do their usual hatchet job on him.
    I cannot even imagine why he even went on.

  12. Cardiff Giant 08/05/2006 at 11:07 AM #

    ^^ :)

  13. vtpackfan 08/07/2006 at 8:20 AM #

    Jim, if there is something burning you and its something private and you don’t want the whole world to know, that ok.

  14. yannes 08/07/2006 at 9:04 AM #

    Rome is simply an entertainer. His act is to be opinionated. I’m sure that he has his “ditto-heads” (like another entertainer, Limbaugh), but his main goal is to get people worked up. If listeners are upset about things that Rome said, then they will talk about him and create more listeners.

    I have only listened to Rome specifically once. He has what people in entertainment call “presence”. In short, he isn’t just any old idiot up there ranting about god-knows-what, he is an energetic and charismatic idiot ranting about god-knows-what. He has the ability to draw people in to his world and make his rants sound believable, when in reality he is probably fed topics and probably fed some opinions.

    Gregg Doyel does the same garbage through his writing. Bill O’Reilly does it through his TV show (politics aside, the man has a TV show to get viewers and sell ads – not to change the nation). The best thing that you can do to these kinds of personalities is ignore them. If no one cares about them, then they cannot sell ads.

  15. Cardiff Giant 08/07/2006 at 11:15 AM #

    ^ Yeah, but the second best thing you can do is make fun of them. As I’ve done in the case of each person. :)

  16. yannes 08/07/2006 at 2:14 PM #

    ^ Exactly. Third best, call them out for what they are.

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